i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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