You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
