vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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