There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
