I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
