maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's blow job season.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
