I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
BRING THE BAGELS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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