I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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