he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
