Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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