I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize