well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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