he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
