I wish I could teleport
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
