Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
