Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
