this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
