Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's no shave November. This is our time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
