he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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