Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
