There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
