were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
