i think my tv is drunk
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
