I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
