I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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