STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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