who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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