Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
