i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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