Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
