I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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