remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
