I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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