thus making me awesome and them whores
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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