What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
