guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
