I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
