Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, beer. Big fan.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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