that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
