bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
