also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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