you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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