Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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