That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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