first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
