i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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