The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
