Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
