Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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