so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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